The Tennessean reported last week that a Mother in Shelby County might face a criminal contempt citation for baptizing her child without the consent of her ex-husband. This isn’t one of those stories designed to raise the blood pressure of people who think the government is trying to get Christianity out of our lives. This is a family law dispute that should remind everyone, especially those who are divorced and have children with their ex that your children’s other parent hasn’t just gone away, they still have a role to play in your children’s lives.
In this situation, the Mother, a Presbyterian, wanted to baptize the children (ages 5 and 7) early in their lives and their father, a member of the Methodist church, thought that the kids should not be baptized until they were older and could more appreciate the significance of what was happening. These two had been fighting over how to direct the children’s religious upbringing since before they married. They apparently sought counseling for this issue – in which church the children should be raised – before their wedding day, which I assume was before they had children.
Most of my clients are usually on the same page when it comes to raising their children in church. The majority realize that the best course of action is to allow one parent to take the lead in what church the kids attend, if they attend at all.
If the children have a weekend with the alternate residential parent, usually that parent takes them to the church he or she attends. Parties have to understand that the dynamics of raising children to attend church can often involve a lot of give and take and seem to be okay with that.
In the situation above, however, the Court in Memphis had decided that the decisions regarding when and if to baptize the children would be made by both parents and the parties (the parents, I mean) had apparently agreed to this arrangement, at least on paper. It wasn’t real clear if the final decree had been handed down as yet, but I can assume that the Court had ruled that the parents had to make these decisions together.
The trial court in Shelby County held the Mother in contempt for her actions, but the Tennessee Court of Appeals ruled that a criminal contempt citation, a much more serious outcome, was more appropriate. The Appeals court reasoned that this is not a religious issue, but a situation in which a person knowingly disobeyed a court order. The Mother can face 20 days in jail and a small fine.
I cannot imagine the Father wanted the Mother of his children put in jail for any reason – what kind of monster would rip his children from their mother? But the shoe might just fit in this scenario.
Parenting plans generally allow parents to delegate decisions regarding their children between themselves or to agree to make the decision jointly if they choose. In this case, the couple agreed to make religious decisions jointly. And since this dispute apparently goes back to pre-marriage, they were still at odds over it.
Tennessee’s standard parenting plan calls for disputes of this nature to be mediated if the parents cannot or will not agree on any outcome. If the mediation is successful, the court then stands aside and the parents do what they agreed to do, unless the court believes the action is not in the best interest of the children. If the parents can’t agree, the trial court gets involved and makes a decision.
That decision is usually a court order and the court order stands until the Judge says otherwise. And judges tend to not look favorably on having their Orders disregarded. If you are under a court order to do or not do something, be warned. Disobeying a Court Order can have serious consequences. If you have questions and want to discuss your child custody case with a lawyer, give me a call – 615-916-1600.
