When everything is said and done, divorce comes down to simple math: How do you divide the assets and liabilities. Sad, its true. Divorce often takes an emotional toll on everyone involved. Both husband and wife suffer, along with the kids, grandparents and everyone else. I often find myself a little worse for wear in tough divorce matters, and I’m just the lawyer.
One thing I see a lot is the division of power in divorce cases. One party seems to understand what is going on, and the other is just completely baffled. This party wants to try to put things right in their marriage and refuses to see the reality of what is going on. And the reality simply is, the other party is slowly, but certainly depleting the marital assets. Hiding money, raiding 401(k)s, whatever.
I know, the courts will order both parties to not do this, but it does happen, and often right under the noses of the court. The reality is that the only thing you can do when you suspect your spouse is doing this is let your lawyer know what is going on and then take immediate steps to prove it. I have had a few clients call me up and tell me that their spouse was draining money out of the retirement plan and I needed to get the court to find them in contempt to make them stop and account for that money. I ask the client what proof they have and they tell me that they can see it in that turkey’s eyes. Then they get upset when I tell them that the judge will probably want more evidence than that to issue a contempt citation.
There are things you can do to keep an eye on everything that is going on. Look at the books. I don’t care if you are the husband or wife, the breadwinner or the stay-at-home parent. Keep an eye on the money. One, it is half yours and two, the cold, hard reality of it is, if you don’t watch the cash flow in your marriage, the cash may flow right out the door, leaving you with nothing.
Looking for the Money Now Saves Money Later
Keep copies of bank statements, brokerage accounts, tax returns, everything financial separate from the books your spouse has access to. Keep statements showing patterns of money flow and where the money is at any given time. Large shifts in balances might be innocent enough. But, it might be the first step in your spouse playing Houdini with your retirement account. Keep a slush fund available that the other party can’t get to so that if all else fails, you can still eat and pay bills. Keep a list of account numbers and other important data handy.
You might also run a credit report every now and then, not just on yourself, but your spouse as well. See what is going on that you might not know about. Look at new accounts that have been opened that are a surprise, and just keep a close watch on the money. If your spouse isn’t up to anything, they should not mind coming clean with you.
And you shouldn’t wait until you think something is wrong in your marriage to start scanning the horizon for trouble. Every marriage starts out happy. Trouble brews over time. Looking for trouble now might save you heartache later.
If you need advice on divorce or bankruptcy matters, please consider giving me a call. 615-916-1600.
